Please go and speak with an estate planner on this as soon as you can. While inheritance is not a marital asset if he co mingles the account or gives her access your wishes would not be followed. If you set us a Trust, however, then you could keep the funds away from her and her family and leave it only to your son and then grandchildren. Choose the Trustee wisely and the terms of the trust should be very specific: education, etc. Good luck.
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